Saturday, December 11, 2010

My love for Maude and my hatred of creepers.

Today, I learned that I can safely drive over 30 miles in my '94 Buick once my gas light comes on. I sometimes think that she is the true love of my life, because who needs dream boys? She does everything I ask and more, even when she's only supposed to get 25 miles on E, and that would be on a good day.

Those who know me well or who have had to wait for me to find them because I took a road the wrong way and didn't notice, or I got trapped in mazes of one-ways or even found my way to the wrong city can attest to the fact that I honestly lack a sense of direction. It's uncanny. I have gotten lost within two blocks of the house I grew up in, and it took me nearly an hour to find my way home. My first week of school here, I got lost trying to find my way home every day for a week straight. Today, I started looking for a gas station once I'd driven 15 miles on empty, got off the highway at 25, got lost, and drove frantically until I reached 32.

So Maude helped me out considerably, happily burbled down some gasoline once I found a station, and delivered me safely to work, where I got creeped on no less than four times in a half hour, by four different individuals. Another thing you may already know about me is that I attract creepers the way honey attracts flies (and bears.) Something about smiling and eye contact . . . I might just start cleaning my teeth with my knife or something instead.

Three of those individuals creeped (crept? I think it's one of those words where both are correct) over the phone, which might lessen the blow slightly (or would it make them worse?) but the one in-person creeper was worse than most. He stole a line from the Jeffrey Eugenides book The Virgin Suicides, and told me that I was "the most naked person with clothes on" he'd ever seen. I did not call him out on stealing a line that isn't even a pick-up line and would never work to pick a girl up any way, but instead opted to dash away.

It is finals week and creepers have found me again, but at least my car loves me.

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